I really want to write this journal in english, but for some reason, I have to keep it in Chinese.
一个晚上都在反复的听信乐团的离歌
一直听到泪流满面
这 几个月来的一切都只证明一件事  我在淡忘一些事情  可是每每听到一些歌  却又无法控制情绪

"一开始我只相信 伟大的是感情
最后我无力的看清 强悍的是命运

想留不能留 才最寂寞 没说完温柔 只剩离歌
心碎前一秒 用力的相拥着沉默
用心跳送妳 辛酸离歌(看不见永久 听见离歌)

原来爱是种任性 不该太多考虑
爱没有聪不聪明 只有愿不愿意"

只是心里有一种深深的遗憾 尽管我知道  我已经不再爱一个人
可是那种没有得到近在咫尺幸福的遗憾  只有让人一次又一次的深深叹息  然后痛到心底

SING-HI 前几天有说  你也会受伤?  呵呵  我不是那么坚强呢
保护壳要厚厚的才不会受伤  

At first, I only believe that, love is the greatest thing.
Then, I realized that fate is more powerful
Love is just a caprise, shouldn't think much about it

When will the tears stop dropping?

I need a place called home.

I'm sick of the life of being alone.
Since I was really little, always, I was always alone. In mum's office at the hospital, waiting for her to take me home. During vacations, sitting in my room doing home work or watch TV. Travelling by myself, in the train, at the airport, bus station, etc~~

I always, always dreamed about a place that I can stay there, with the one I loved, forever. Feel the warmth of family and the security of my future.

I know mum and dad love me indeed and I know that they are trying to make me stronger so when they are not by my side, I know how to take care of myself. But, at the same time, I never felt secure, always worried about tomorrow. I'm tired now.

i remembered the talk with QQ long time ago, that I will never date someone who's younger than I am. Because I need someone to protect me, save me from being alone, always by my side, and give me the warmth that I always lack of.

It's warm here but my heart feel so cold. I'm in my own room but I'm homeless.

I know mum and dad will always be there for me, but that's not the warmth I wanted.  or I don't really know what I want.  I'm so sleepy now and confused.

Well, yeah, I'm lonely. Can't deny it.

Just read though Fishie's new journals. Love her last sentence for today: it's autumn now, autumn's a season which you don't need to think too much, jus enjoy~

This semester, things are kinda going crazy. Never was able to get enough sleep. Suddenly facing so many choices. Like Pigie said: you are 20 now. you are suppose to think and live the life differently. So, after May, 4th, 2005, I suppose to lead a totally different life, which I did but it's boring as usual, where's the passion I used to have?

Watched a russian movie "Koktebel "with RD the otherday, not because it's russian, but because of the story. One quote says " sometimes you need to walk 1000 kilometeres to find the one near you"  Liked the music, it's Chick Corea's "children's song" The father's an engineer who lost both his job and wife.For him, the journey to Koktebel means picking up the pride, cure the pain of life as well as regain the trust from his son. For the little boy, Koktebel's a door toward the new life. However, the father was seduced by alcohol and women, and he wants to stay with the women he met on the way to Koktebel. In the end, the little boy decided to continue the journey all by himself. It reminds me how strong and concentrated I was when I was little. I don't understand why as we grow, we got weaker and weaker. It seems like the growing pains really weakened us. I still remember when I was in 1st grade, everyday, I need to walk 45 minutes to the tennis court for training and I need to run 50 rounds, do 200 bat swings and all those different exercises. My mum can't even stand the amount of training I need to do everyday and asked me if I want to quit. I said no. I still remember how those older kids make fun of me everyday, trip me, everything~~but I still survived.  If it's right now, i know I can't do that. I can hardly be absorbed in one thing anymore~  sign~~:~(

Another movie I watched today is the three colors:red. I have watched this one before, but I still felt horrible when I was watching this again. Life's not that bad, not that good either. Suddenly rememberd the night I was chatting with G and Tony during the summer. I didn't know T's ex girlfriend died from a car accident and even they broke up before that, I saw tears in Tony's eyes when he's talking about that. And that time, I suddenly realized that no matter how happy one looked, there's always something can't be cured by time. Those pains are like the moon during the day time. It's invisible, but doesn't mean it doesn't exist~~  And unless you really like/ trust someone, you won't exhibit the scar~ I don't know I'm lucky or not, I was always the one that people choose to show their scar to. But, who should I turn to when I got hurt?

Thank to someone special, no matter what, I'm happy now~ and hope everyone I loved be happy always~ :#

k, i want to do some change for this blog now. Don't know when ill actually do it though.

It's 12:20 am in the morning and i'm not sleepy at all. Weird. >.<

Found some old pics with friends back at China. Need to get some frames for them. Haven't talked to some of them for a long time.

Well, I wrote three months ago that i want to write something about my 20 years of life but i was way too lazy to do that. I guess these days I will write something down, just in case  I will forget something important in the future.

Once I got my cell phone, I need to call pigie and Hei Hei. Miss them soooo much. I need someone to chill me up. Ah, and Qian Qian. Want to go back home so badly. Hope next summer I can make a trip back to China.

This weekend is Mid- Autumn day, which suppose to be families gather together. This is the third one that I was not home. Miss mom's cooking. Good thing's we share the same moon. Kinda romantic, hehe~ :#

Listening to Mika Nakajima's Moon night right now~~   
ah!! Pigie haven't sent me the letter he wrote to me yet~~~ that suppose to be my birthday present~~ right now's what? four months delay!!!  I need my cell phone~~ need to call him~:(

Missing someone right now~~~ k, need to do some more readings and maybe a little sleep~~

Always wanted to write something serious in this blog, but always fail~~

心情已经不一样了

在听白鸽  久违的旋律  却只能叹气 再没有那时候的激动和欣赏

应该不会再哭了  可是今天有掉眼泪  应该是幸福和快乐的啊  为什么还是这么悲伤呢

啊  有没有幸福又怎样

放大话  却心有戚戚  呵呵  不是小孩子了  却也还不是大人

今天密码学的作业有点难   什么都不想做  

再过两分种  去读书

有些事情 无法逃避 无法对抗 也无法面对

那该怎么办

像TING说的  过一天是一天？

我不是那么模糊的人呢  却也坚定不起来

叹气

pretty nice schedule and courses, i think i will enjoy this semester a lot.

Six courses: my independent study, human resources management, database administration, cryptography (love it~~), what galileo saw ( love it~~) and supply chain management.

Books i'm reading: Italo Calvino's Cosmicomics. Applied Cryptography and the code book.

moved into my big room and right now only have one computer desk, one book case and a bed. That's all i have so far. I might buy more stuff later but right now, i'm broke, almost no money left in the bank. 555~~~~~~

虽然过的很悠闲　　可是悠闲跟无忧无虑有区别的　手上挂着三个ＣＡＳＥ　加两个ＰＡＰＥＲ　可不是闹着玩的事情　更严重的是两篇都得要发表　　头大啊　

今天老板搬办公室　充分了解什么是学者　书那个成山哦～～　每天在办公室看着这些教授们　　觉得都像小孩子一样　对自己的领域都那么充满激情　偶有被感染啦～

好想回家跟老妈学击剑哦～～　早知道小时候就不学网球了　　还是佩剑比较帅气　半月型的手盘好优雅的感觉　恩　听说佩剑是从１９世纪马刀演变过来的　哈哈　偶会骑马　　等回家以后再学佩剑～～恩　帅咯～｀　　还有　要在海边骑马才是最浪漫的事情　夕阳西下　骑着马儿沿着沙滩走　　天堂

今天跟朋友去了瀑布　摔得我一腿伤　　可是很有成就感　沿着瀑布旁的石山往下爬　躺在瀑布下面好爽哦　　可是石头太滑　偶有点怕水　不过还是硬着头皮上了　嘿嘿　有成就感

什么时候才能放我几天假啊　教授们　　我想回西港诶～～　看朋友　然后享受享受生活～然后要去纽约玩

这个夏天会有很多收获吧　

最近在读的东西：
AN INTRODUCTION TO CRYPTOGRAHY
很好玩的书   下学期的HONORS PROGRAM要上这门课  先弄本书来瞧瞧  估计不会学什么有趣的东西  可能会跟数学差不多概念  老师列的书单里头有数论跟算法还有量子计算   不晓得会上成什么样子  有时间准备把这本书翻出来  实在是太好玩了
学术论文
开始自己的独立研究   每天每天都是论文   看到不少新鲜东西  然后觉得研究也就那么回事   关键是点子要好  恩  本人鬼点子相来多  所以不怕不怕
退步集
老妈在一个月之前钦点的  不敢不看   折子好像也在读的样子   觉得还好  不过才读了几篇  所以不敢随便评论


玩的东西：
放风筝
昨天去了  在一元店买的风筝   可能是因为便宜的缘故  所以不是那么容易放上去的   昨天陪偶们玩的有一个流体力学在读博士  还有一个是研究空气动力学的  本来以为小孩儿的玩意儿没什么  哪知道严重考验学者们的思考跟动手能力   结果  风筝还是一上天就往下栽  结果  在折腾了一个多小时以后  另一个学电子工程的学长跟女朋友携手而来解决了问题   原来只要拎着风筝沿操场狂奔  不管多烂的风筝都能上天的  累惨了我们未来的博士哦    大概在操场上跑了2公里都不止~~

继续MONOPOLY
发现本人每次开局手气都不好   看着人家左一块右一块的买地  偶每次都只能弄到两块   其中还有一块根本就每办法赚钱的  
可是！！  本人就是有办法在逆境中屹立不倒~~  只靠一块地也能赚得满手都是钱~~ 严重鄙视那些手上有6，7块地还弄不到钱的同志~~  下个星期再来  不信我弄不到地盘~

SIM CITY
超级耗体力跟耐力的破游戏   玩了一天  4000人口  我想看摩天大楼~~~~~

吃的：
上个星期有吃到荔枝~~

现在每个星期都去研究生那里蹭饭   实在是太好吃了~~~

买了新笔记本 终于不用看着IBM破烂的屏幕度日了 舒服~
刚买来的时候提心吊胆了两天 生怕有什么问题 还好 屏幕很漂亮  造型很酷  一点问题都没有 除了风扇太吵以外
开始往新电脑上载东西  玩游戏
啊  对了  这两个星期都有和朋友玩MONOPOLY  开始都是个人玩  每次到最后大家都要求强强联手  呵呵 偶跟TING 已经连续两周称霸了   太佩服偶自己执色子的本事了    这个星期六是战绩最辉煌了   8个人玩   偶一开始只有两块地  却赚最多的钱~~   后来跟TING 合作  两个人在一起都只有可怜的10块地  却打败拥有30块地的男生~~~~~~~~~~~~~   最后战果： 偶们的总资产有25，240哦   所有的500块跟100块的票子都在偶门那里   对方输得连地都卖差不多了 最后自动投降   银行也顺便破产了  因为钱都在偶门这里 哈哈~~~~

计划：  写关于 THE RIVER WHY，ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTAINANCE，还有另几部电影的评论

第一个研究项目已经结束  公司对偶们的结果很满意 可能还会继续做整个物流系统的分析  555~~  不想再做数据分析了  好烦哦   最后一个模型的方程都已经3，4行了  如果做整个系统的   不要写一也纸哦~~

明天开始独立研究   恩  FDI很好玩的样子

1.你认为最理想的快乐是怎样的？

随时做自己想做的事情  而且有足够的钱应付开销

2.你最希望拥有哪种才华？

达芬奇那样的

3.你最害怕的是什么？

偶爱的人都离偶而去  要知道  独自一人和孤单一人是有区别的~~

4.你目前的心境怎样？

不知道 难说

5.还在世的人中你最钦佩的是谁？

好像是没有

6.你认为你最伟大的成就是什么？

可以让我喜欢的人都喜欢我

7.你自己的哪个特点让你最觉得痛恨？

懒到浪费天分

8.如果你能选择的话，你希望让什么重现？

过去10年

9.你最痛恨别人的什么特点？

虚伪

10.你最珍惜的财产是什么？

健康   所有人的

11.你最奢侈的是什么？

浪费时间

12.你认为程度最浅的痛苦是什么？

哭到昏天黑地  然后一切风吹云散

13.你认为哪种美德是被过高的评估的？

每种都好玄~~

14.你最喜欢的职业是什么？

设计师

15.你对自己的外表哪一点不满意？

还好  都习惯了

16.你本身最显著的特点是什么？

让人看不懂

17.还在世的人中你最轻视的是谁？

唧唧喳喳小女生  

18.你最喜欢男性身上的什么品质？

体贴诚恳

19.你使用过的最多的单词或者是词语是什么？

诶呀

20.你最喜欢女性身上的什么品质？

独立坚韧

21.你最伤痛的事是什么？

失去一份宝物

22.你最看重朋友的什么特点？

真诚

23.你这一生中最爱的人或东西是什么？

我自己

24.你希望以什么样的方式死去？

安静的闭上眼睛

25.何时是你生命中最快乐的时刻？

安静的躺在喜欢的人身边睡大觉

26.你的座右铭是什么？

做事都不定性的 要什么座右铭啊